


I've Lost My Appetite

by StarryGatorr



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fat Shaming, Food Issues, Gen, Strained Friendships, This is a hard fic to tag, i hate how both the fandom and show reduces cole's character to food so here's this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:02:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29930388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryGatorr/pseuds/StarryGatorr
Summary: 5 times the ninja commented on Cole's eating habits and 1 time he finally responded.(WARNING: contains Ninjago Season 14 spoilers!)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	I've Lost My Appetite

**Author's Note:**

> i was so mad about s14 boiling cole's character down to "he likes food" that i wrote this

**0**

  
  


“Y-You mean… there’s not gonna be CAKE?!”

Cole wishes he hadn’t been so foolish as to say those words. Cake has become a  touchy subject for him ever since then, only getting worse as time went by. It’s a comfort food to him, but being a ninja is a taxing occupation, so he made the mistake of using it as a crutch. Soon enough he was a certified stress eater.

But it’s not like he isn’t healthy. He trains more than the others, almost as much as Lloyd does. They should know by now that he’s naturally a big guy. It’s not his fault if he looks a certain way.

Sadly, that doesn’t stop him from feeling like it is.

  
  


**-1**

  
  


_ Death is the simplest part of life, _ Cole recalls hearing from some “deep thinker” on the internet. Well clearly that guy has never tried being dead before.

Thinking about it for too long makes his head feel funny and his eyes sting. It may not be a painful experience, but that doesn’t make it a pleasant one, and it’s  _ constant _ . The lack of any warmth, the lack of texture and weight, the lack of color due to the green tinge… They’re inescapable aspects of being a ghost.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, he can’t taste anything or get hungry, but the urge to eat away his worries is still there. That’s why he often found himself raiding the fridge late at night, unable to sleep because his mind torments him or his blanket falls through his body.

Being a ghost also meant it was hard to pace himself. There’s no substance, no stomachaches, just the repetitive motion of shoving food into his mouth and chewing. He’d just eat and eat all through the night.

That is until someone found out.

Cole didn’t even realize somebody was coming, too caught up in his thoughts. He froze like a deer in headlights when a silhouette appeared in the doorway.

“Cole? What are you doing up? My internal clock tells me it’s currently 4 in the morning.”

Whoops. Busted.

“Heyyyy Zane… Sorry about that, guess I didn’t realize the time. I’ll head back to bed.”

He’s about to stand up and escape when Zane holds his hand up, halting him.

“Hold on a moment,” He whispers, noting the mess on the table, “Have you been eating this entire time?”

“Well… There’s really a bunch of different ways to answer that question, no?” Cole chuckles nervously, but it’s as easy to see through his lie as it is to see through him.

“Cole…” Zane sighs, sounding a tinge disappointed. Cole shrinks into himself. He continues, “Is this why I’ve found food randomly disappearing from the fridge?”

“I uh… Yeah, that might have something to do with me,” He confesses.

The nindroid shakes his head and turns his attention back to the table. He picks up the wrappers and cleans up as he speaks.

“I’m aware that being a ghost is difficult, but this is going overboard. How do you know this won’t have a negative impact on your health?”

_ Ghosts don’t have health, _ Cole thinks bitterly to himself, but he does nothing to convey this thought. He just lowers his head.

Zane deposits the trash into the trashcan and looks straight at Cole. He feels like he’s withering under the other’s robotic stare, but he forces himself to meet his eyes anyways.

“Could you please tone it down with these… midnight snacking sessions, I suppose you’d call them?”

Cole is silent for a minute, his focus waning on the conversation at hand. A gnawing sense of guilt has been working its way through him ever since Zane walked in, only picking up speed at the mention of the fridge. He really has been eating a lot, huh? Him, the one who doesn’t need to eat, is consuming more than any of the others who do need it. The guilt rips another chunk out of him.

“Yeah… Yeah. I can definitely tone it down. Sorry about all of this.”

Zane smiles softly and nods. He mentions something about going back to bed and how Cole should too, but he isn’t listening.

All he can hear is a voice telling him how selfish he is, how much of a glutton he is, how pitiful he is.

  
  


**-2**

  
  


Cole lets out a content hum. Finding quiet moments during missions is, in his opinion, one of the hardest parts of actually being on a mission. However, the situation has lent itself nicely to some downtime. Wu is out of commission because of the time punch, Kai and Nya are absorbed in whatever they’re obsessing over, and Zane is helping Jay investigate the Slow-Mo Blade. He finally has a moment to himself. It’s just him, his sandwich, and--

“Cole!”

Lloyd. He stifles a groan, pushing himself off of the tree he was reclining against. He almost forgot about their resident leader. Ever since Wu went down for the count, Lloyd has been filling in for him in the “total hardass” department. Ironically, it reminds him of how he acted when he first started out as a ninja. All work, no play. Nowadays he knows better.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lloyd questions, having reached Cole’s picnic spot.

“Relaxing, duh.”

“I can see that much,” The green ninja huffs, “But now's not the time for relaxing. We need to get the other time blades.”

“Yeah, but we’re not doing that right now, are we?”

Admittedly, the Time Twins and their Vermillion Warriors are a tough lot to beat. They’ve yet to find a weakness to take down the crimson snake soldiers for good.

“No, but that doesn’t mean we can just lounge about! Besides, didn’t you already have lunch? Why are you eating  _ again _ ?”

Cole cringes, halfway through bringing the sandwich up to take another bite. He tries to come up with some sort of rebuttal, but he has nothing. It’s true -- he has already eaten lunch. But what does that matter? It’s not like this sandwich is the one obstacle between him and the mission at hand or caring about Lloyd’s lessons. The sandwich is innocent, damnit.

However, that obviously isn’t a real argument, so he just sighs and packs away his miniature picnic.

“Yeah yeah, alright. I put it away, happy?”

Lloyd nods curtly.

“Good. Now come on, let’s go get the others.”

In the end, the others don’t even come to attend Lloyd’s lesson of the day. Kai and Nya refuse to budge and Zane and Jay use the excuse of experimenting with the Slow-Mo Blade to get out of it.

Cole can’t help but note how unfair this is as Lloyd lectures him on discipline and whatever other nonsense he got from Wu.

  
  


**-3**

  
  


It is a miracle Cole hasn’t earth-punched Jay through a wall by now.

It’s no secret that Jay gets on people’s nerves. For all of his optimism and outgoingness and other great qualities that Cole admires, he has a tendency to take things too far. His reactions can border on over the top and he is usually the first to chicken out when the going gets rough. However, nothing -- and Cole means nothing -- pisses him off more than his jokes.

Most of the time they’re a welcome reprieve from the intense scenarios the ninja find themselves in. This is not that time.

He has been making fun of him non- _ fucking _ -stop. Ever since Cole told him he’s trying to be more mindful and veer off of the cake, Jay has not dropped it. It got even worse when he told the other that his “body is a temple”. He should’ve known he was just pouring gasoline on a fire.

That’s not even getting into his comments around the royal family. FSM above, Cole wanted to crumble into dust when Jay started teasing him in front of their guide. Zane certainly didn’t help with his question about the word “party pooper”. 

The hypocrisy makes him furious. So if he eats, he’s a fatty, but if he doesn’t, he’s a party pooper? Somebody needed to make up their mind already.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Jay carried on like this for the entire two months they were stuck in the First Realm. Cole almost wishes he had remained in that weird insanity-driven-calm Jay slipped into, because at least then he wasn’t poking fun at him. The blue ninja’s comments were what wore him down in the end... that and the tasteless meals they were forced to endure. At that point, he didn’t care. Screw his body. Screw mindfulness. Screw Jay. He just wants to eat some cake and feel safe and not worry about being trapped in a realm full of dragons and dragon hunters.

He just wants to eat some cake and feel safe.

He just wants to feel safe.

  
  


**-4**

  
  


Cole feels bad for Nya. Admittedly, that’s a bit silly when he’s the one that fell off of a flying ship, almost died, and broke a few ribs; but it’s true. She always had a bad habit of beating herself up for things outside of her control, something Cole can relate to. However, it tears him up inside to know that she blames herself for his fall when that is blatantly not the case.

He has to wait, though. It isn’t going to be enough if he just tells her that it isn’t her fault. He knows that from experience. She has to be the one to reach out first.

Which is perfect for him since he’s still recovering. So while he’s waiting, he takes the time to rest in the medical bay and participate in the physical therapy Zane insists he does.

His patience pays off. A week and a day after the Tornado of Creation and their last stand, Nya comes to visit him. He notices her posture, a little hunched in and mostly rigid. He also realizes she’s holding a plastic bag in her hand, something box-shaped in the bag.

He smiles and motions her inside.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” She replies. Silence hangs in the air between them until eventually she continues, “How do you feel?”

“Better. How about you?”

Nya blinks in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… a little birdie tipped me off. Apparently you think you’re to blame for my fall.”

  
  
She groans, “Was it Kai or Jay?”

Cole chuckles.

“Kai. But seriously, you’re worrying me and everybody else. Do you wanna talk about it?”

She nods, then elaborates, “That’s why I’m here.”

He shuffles to the side and pats for her to sit on the edge of the bed. She walks over and sits, placing the bag on the nightstand by the bed.

It takes a lot of words, a lot of hugs, and a lot of tears for Cole to finally get it through Nya’s head that it wasn’t her fault, but eventually they get there. He ends up with her bunched into his arms as she sniffles and gets the last of it out of her system. To his surprise, when she pulls away, she’s laughing.

“Sorry… I came here to apologize, but all I really did was cry about it,” She says as she wipes her eyes.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You clearly needed a shoulder to cry on.”

She chuckles and punches his arm lightly

“This is why you’re our rock.”

Cole smiles, glad to see her finally in lighter spirits. Nya returns it before suddenly looking surprised. She turns and lifts the bag she had deposited at the beginning.

“I almost forgot! Here, it’s an apology gift.”

He takes the bag and lifts the contents out of it. It’s a white box made of thin cardboard with a pink sticker acting as the seal. One look at the sticker tells him exactly what’s inside.

“Go on, open it!” Nya prompts him.

For a moment, it feels like time has slowed down. He has to remind himself that this isn’t intentional. Nya is one of the nicest people he knows, not to mention she just got done recovering from heavy emotional baggage. He shouldn’t put a damper on her mood.

It feels like a knot has formed in his stomach. He should be happy about receiving a gift like this. Clearly Nya has put a lot of thought into it -- or maybe she hasn’t. It’s entirely possible that she just assumed that he would appreciate this because of all the things the others say about him. It’s impossible for Cole to tell.

What he does know is that he’s already indulged in the contents of the box recently. He had one right after the fall, even though his stomach could barely handle it, and he had it two days after that, desperate to chase off the nightmares he had. The truth is that he can’t even think about it anymore without feeling like crap. What was once meant to comfort him now does the exact opposite. He can’t help but feel guilty at the taste of it.

Without missing a beat, he opens the box. Inside of it sits the most gorgeous chocolate cake he’s ever seen.

He forces a smile, “Thank you so much, Nya.”

All he manages to eat is half a slice before throwing it in the trash.

  
  


**-5**

  
  


It’s safe to say that cake simply does not do the trick anymore. It worked for him as a kid when his mom would bake him delicious unfrosted cakes after a job well done, and it worked for him when he started out as a ninja with no major responsibilities, but that was years ago. He can’t look back fondly on those moments when the many, many bad experiences are all piled up on top of them.

An alternative was quickly found. Cole isn’t sure if he should be relieved or disappointed in himself, but it works, so he isn’t going to complain. Jay used to be something of a caffeine junky when he first joined them, chugging soda and energy drinks like they were nothing. However, Lloyd as a kid had a big sweet tooth and was not afraid to steal, so Jay’s stash had to be completely disposed of.

Needless to say, Cole figured he might as well take a page out of Jay’s book now that he was missing his own crutch. Ever since the lull that came after the Oni Invasion he has been drinking much, much more soda. It’s certainly not the best substitute -- he misses the creamy, fluffy texture of cake -- but it’s sugary enough to keep him satiated and much easier to binge than cake.

Of course, there are other drawbacks. Drinking that much soda means he hasn’t been eating as much during meals, so when he finally does feel hungry, he’s starving. This constant back and forth between being full on sugary drinks and being famished enough to eat a feast leaves him feeling queasy. He can’t just stop now though, otherwise he might fall back on his previous “support system”.

The worst comes when Lloyd’s mom and Sensei Wu (and Clutch Powers, apparently) go missing after an expedition into a storm belt. He understands Misako’s curiosity for the unknown, but  _ seriously _ ? She decided venturing into unknown territory plagued by storms without so much as telling them was a good idea?

It comes as no surprise that now they have to be the ones to bail them out. After a lot of flying and a reluctant guide brought along for the ride, they finally arrived on the island.

And immediately Cole regrets not bringing any snacks or drinks with him. He should’ve expected that the others wouldn’t bring any, not when this rescue trip was only meant to last a day. He admits that was his mistake. However, after an hour of wandering around in the jungle, he’s had enough. He’s annoyed, thirsty, desperate.

So when Kai offers him a coconut that had accidentally been pieced on his machete, he’s ecstatic -- only to have that glee torn from him moments later. The feral dragon Jay had named Zippy swoops down and grabs the coconut in his jaws.

“Hey, give that back!” He shouts after it, but the dragon climbs a tree and jumps away. Cole grumbles, only angered further by Kai’s laughter behind him.

“Man, do you ever think about anything besides food?”

Cole grits his teeth so hard that he thinks they may crack. He whips around to face the red ninja.

“Well do  _ you _ ever think before you speak? Because I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to that one,” He snaps. Without waiting for Kai’s response, he charges after Zippy and his stolen coconut.

Behind him, Kai is left bewildered, Lloyd approaching with an eyebrow raised. They look at one another.

“Did you just see that?”

“Yeah,” The blonde replies, “I wonder what’s his deal?”

  
  


**+1**

  
  


Cole swears he hasn’t been zapped this much since his spat with Jay for Nya’s affections. For being self appointed guardians of the lightning, they sure do use it however they feel.

“Of course there has to be a tribe of lightning powered, storm goddess-worshipping bad guys in the dangerous thunderstorm belt! Because things always have to be way more complicated than necessary!” Jay rants, having launched himself into one of his usual panic induced tirades. Normally Cole can just ignore it, but after being shocked so many times, Jay’s high pitched voice is really grating on him.

“Relax, Jay,” Nya calms him with ease, and Cole has to kick down the urge to jump for joy.

“She’s right,” Zane adds, “There’s no reason to fret. Lloyd should come for us within due time.”

“But we can’t just sit around and wait for him!” Kai exclaims.

“Why not?” Cole asks, finally contributing to the conversation, “In case you haven’t noticed, we can’t use our powers.”

He lifts an arm and waves around the vengestone shackles to prove his point. Kai narrows his eye and bats it away.

“That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. And seriously, what is with you lately? You’ve been acting weird ever since we found Zippy,” He growls.

Normally Cole would back down by now, but he can’t find the strength within himself to do so. He is really at the end of his rope here.

“Are we seriously going to talk about this now?”

“Well why not?”

“Because we’re in a dingy cell, captured by lunatics with a magic amulet!”

“Uh, guys?” Nya pipes in, “Maybe we should take a step back and calm down?”

“Not this time Sis,” Kai responds.

“She’s right though. You should just drop it.”

“Why should I drop it when you’re the one moping around?”

“So what, now it’s my fault? That’s rich hearing from you!” Cole points a finger into Kai’s chest, continuing on despite the other opening his mouth, “Especially when you’re the one that made that great food comment earlier! So what, I eat too much for your tastes? Well get in line, because that’s pretty much what everyone thinks about me,” He storms towards the front of the cell, no longer paying attention to anybody else, “And it’s all I ever hear about! You guys don’t see me constantly making fun of Jay’s obsession with Star Farer, do you?” He asks nobody and everybody there, throwing a punch at the bamboo bars in front of him, “You don’t hear me complaining when any of you relax, so why is it that when I sit down to unwind, it’s always ‘You shouldn’t eat so much!’ or ‘Cake isn’t good for you!’” By now he’s slamming his fist into the bars repeatedly, “Well I don’t! Want to! HEAR IT!”

With one final swing, he brings both of his hands together, laces his fingers, and smashes down against the bars. The bamboo shatters and splinters, forming a big enough hole for one of them to fit their arms through.

He doesn’t make the move to do so though, standing with his hands to his side and his fists balled up. His breath comes out in pants, throat scratchy from yelling.

Reality comes crashing down upon him. He had just completely lost his temper in front of everyone. He was so enraged that he managed to break the cell bars  _ without _ his super strength. It’s no wonder his knuckles feel sore.

A hand settles on his shoulder and he flinches. His eyes have begun to water, but he blinks back the tears as he turns around.

Everybody is staring at him with wide eyes -- except for Zane, who is currently the one with his hand on him.

“I’m… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lost it like that, I-”

“No, Cole,” Zane stops him, “If anybody should be apologizing, it’s us. I did not realize those comments made you so upset.”

“I’m sorry too. Even if we didn’t know, we shouldn’t have been saying that stuff in the first place,” Nya adds.

It’s becoming increasingly harder to hold back the tears that threaten to spill from him. Cole sniffles and wipes an arm across his eyes. When he opens them again, Kai is looking at the floor.

“I… You were right. I really don’t think before I speak, huh?” Kai scoffs, then looks up at him, “I’m sorry. I promise to make this up to you.”

“No, Kai, it’s alright, I…” But Cole doesn’t get the chance to speak before Jay comes up to him.

He doesn’t say anything, head tilted down, but when he lifts it there’s tears in his eyes too. Without warning, he throws himself at Cole and wraps his arms around him. Cole lets out a grunt, but he doesn’t hesitate to return the hug.

“I’m sorry…” Jay sobs, muffled due to him pressing his face into Cole.

He chuckles at this, but the truth is he feels like he might cry soon too.

“It’s okay.”

Zane clears his throat, which is a clear ploy to get their attention since he doesn’t have a throat that needs clearing. Cole lets go of Jay and looks up at the other.

“I hate to break this up so quickly, but…” He slips his arm through the hole and easily unlocks the door to the cell, “I think we may want to make the most of this opportunity.”

“Freedom!” Jay yells in triumph as he runs for the door, only to receive a smack on the head from Nya.

“Shhh! Stealth, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” He whispers sheepishly, then follows Zane and Nya out.

Kai comes up to Cole and grips him on the arm.

“You alright to go? We can take a minute if you want,” He offers.

“No, I’m fine. Zane is right anyways. We should really get moving.”

“Okay, just…” Kai mutters, looking for the words to say. He settles instead with a quick side hug, then takes Cole’s hand in his. “Don’t forget we’re here for you, alright? And we’re going to talk about this more later.”

Cole smiles. 

“I won’t forget.”

By the time the guard making his rounds reaches the cell, all he finds is an unlocked door and stolen keys for vengestone shackles.


End file.
